What is Matrescence?
Matrescence: The Radical Shift into Motherhood
Becoming a mother isn’t just a life event. It’s a transformation — raw, confusing, powerful. And there’s a word for it that almost no one tells you: matrescence.
Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother. Not just giving birth. Not just taking care of a baby. It’s the emotional, physical, and mental shift that begins when you step into motherhood — and keeps unfolding long after.
For many, this transition can feel like being cracked open. The parts of you that once felt clear — your identity, your body, your rhythms, your dreams — they shift. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. Sometimes with joy. Sometimes with grief. Sometimes with both.
Forget perfect. Let’s start real.
What is Matrescence?
The word “matrescence” was first used by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s. More recently, psychologist Aurelie Athan has helped bring it back into the spotlight. Think of it like adolescence — but instead of becoming an adult, you’re becoming a mother.
And just like adolescence, matrescence is messy. It’s not a straight line. It changes your body, brain, identity, relationships, emotions, and more. It can be overwhelming, beautiful, painful, confusing — often all at once.
This isn’t something you “get through” in a few weeks. It doesn’t have a timeline. For some, it starts during pregnancy. For others, it hits hard postpartum. For many, the transformation continues for years. That’s not a failure. That’s how deep change works.
Perfect moms? Never met one.
What Changes?
Your Body
Pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding change your body in major ways. Hormones shift. Your organs literally move. Your brain rewires to help you respond to your baby’s needs. You might feel forgetful or foggy — this is sometimes called “mom brain,” and it’s real.
You may look in the mirror and not recognize yourself. Stretch marks, scars, soft places — these are not flaws. They are signs that you’ve carried and cared for life. This body isn’t broken. It’s changed.
Your Emotions
You might feel deep love — and also rage. Joy — and grief. Pride — and shame. These emotional swings aren’t signs of failure. They’re part of the process.
You might cry for no reason. Or all the reasons. You might miss your old life and still not want to trade what you have now. You might feel overwhelmed by love one minute, and desperate to escape the next.
This emotional intensity doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means something big is happening inside you.
Come as you are. Or don’t.
Your Identity
Who were you before the baby? Who are you now? You might not know. That’s okay. Many mothers feel lost or like a stranger to themselves.
This is a normal part of matrescence. You’re not just adding a new role. You’re becoming someone new. Your old identity doesn’t always fit. And the new one? It takes time to build.
You might mourn the “you” who could sleep in, take risks, chase passions without packing a diaper bag. That grief doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you honest.
Your Relationships
Your relationship with your partner might change. You may feel closer — or more distant. You might argue more. Or feel like you’re speaking different languages.
Friendships might shift. Some people won’t understand what you’re going through. Others will show up in surprising, beautiful ways. You’ll learn who your people are.
And sometimes, you’ll miss the person you were even more than you miss anyone else. That’s real. That matters.
The World Around You
Let’s be honest: society doesn’t make this easy. Mothers are often expected to give everything and ask for nothing. There’s pressure to be perfect, to bounce back, to keep smiling.
We are praised for self-sacrifice and silence. But what if we stopped pretending? What if we told the truth?
Not bad. Just not following their narrative.
You’re allowed to be tired, angry, unsure. You’re allowed to ask for help. You’re allowed to need.
Matrescence says: you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be real.
Why Knowing About Matrescence Matters
When you know this is a process, not a failure — things shift. You stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What am I becoming?”
Knowing about matrescence can help you:
Feel less alone: You’re not the only one feeling this way.
Let go of shame: Your struggle makes sense.
Ask for support: You deserve help. Not because you’re broken — because you’re human.
See the transformation: This isn’t just hard. It’s meaningful.
Matrescence lets us name the invisible work mothers do — not just for babies, but for themselves. This is deep, identity-level change. And naming it gives us power.
How to Support Yourself Through Matrescence
This isn’t a checklist or a fix-it guide. It’s a reminder that you get to care for yourself too.
Say it out loud: Use the word. Name the change. Tell your partner, your friend, your journal.
Feel all the feelings: Rage, grief, love, joy — there’s room for all of it. No feeling is too big.
Hold onto small pieces of you: A walk. A journal. A song. Something that’s just yours.
Find people who get it: Other moms. A therapist. A group where you can be real, not perform.
Set boundaries: You don’t have to do it all. Or do it perfectly.
Know when to get more help: If you’re feeling numb, hopeless, or not yourself for weeks — that’s not just matrescence. That’s a sign to reach out for more care.
You Are Becoming
This isn’t about bouncing back. It’s not about finding the old you. It’s about becoming something new. Something whole. Something true.
Matrescence is not a detour. It’s the path. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to be glowing or grateful all the time.
You just have to keep showing up — messy, real, becoming.
You’re not broken. You’re becoming.